Home Mind How to be More Masculine: The Do’s And Don’ts of Masculinity

How to be More Masculine: The Do’s And Don’ts of Masculinity

Nowadays men, maleness and masculinity are under increasing pressure from several sources, including rampant feminism, woke people in institutions, and hand-wringing guilt-ridden liberals and, as a result, many men are afraid to be masculine, afraid to demonstrate it, or simply, they don’t even know how to be more masculine.

How to be More Masculine

This backlash, if you like, against maleness and masculinity was originally driven by a very real need for equality and an end to misogyny: but now it is out of control and has led to misandry and a visceral hatred of masculinity by some.  Whilst a few would complain that holding a door open for a woman to go through first, or opening the car door on their side before you open yours, is sexist – it is not.

It is merely courteous and only a few women actually dislike it (or pretend to in faux umbrage) and, in fact, most would regard it as an act of chivalry by a masculine male!

Masculinity, though, as a concept, is quite difficult to define precisely because it is a blend of several factors including male traits, society norms, culture, and it is also a subjective perception with, of course, some very marked physical differences between the two sexes.

These physical differences are reflected in body shapes and appearance, and are in large part due to a substance which the body produces, called testosterone.  Both male bodies and female bodies produce it, but the male produces far more, and as a result it has a greater effect on men.

By and large men have what is known as Superior Muscular Development (SMD), which makes their bodies bigger, faster and stronger than women’s bodies.  A normal man who is the same height and weight as a normal woman will just be faster and stronger due to this testosterone.

Some men also feel that they are less masculine than other men.  Part of this is cultural or societal as there are many stereotypes to what a ‘manly’ man does e.g. breadwinner, hunter, leader, hold down certain jobs – especially those involving physical labour, does not cry: and they may not feel that they portray these characteristics – or not well enough – possibly due to their job or their appearance or their personality.  This feeling, however, can, by and large, be changed by changing what you do and how you do it.

 

It is important, nevertheless, to understand a major differences between men and women.  Human beings are naturally aggressive and many men are particularly so.  It is a natural, built in instinct, to fight and it is evolutionary and linked to survival of the race and comes from our early days when all had to fight for resources, females, land etc and is inherent and endemic.

Martial arts, whether armed or unarmed, have always been seen as a masculine provenance – despite myths of female warriors such as Amazons and so on, but a real, masculine, man controls his aggression and is, instead, assertive.  Good leaders are assertive and listen, but are never aggressive.  Adolf Hitler was always aggressive in his rants and tirades.  Winston Churchill, however, by contrast was assertive and emphatic and used well thought out words and rising and falling cadences in speech to get his message across in a measured manner.  Few would have described Hitler as masculine; however, Churchill was often described as a masculine leader.

We have addressed the topic of how to look more masculine in a previous article. In this article however, I will try to answer the seemingly simple question: How to BE more masculine.

 

So, How Can You be More Masculine?

How Can You be More Masculine

Well, there are a number of actions and activities you can take to improve your masculinity:

 

Get And Keep Fit

This doesn’t mean just pumping iron to look like the Hulk. It is rather about engaging in a range of activities to tone up the body and improve fitness generally – and could include such things as running, swimming, taking part in team sports, racquet sports and possibly martial arts – for example karate, kung fu or MMA.

This will build up the body and also rid it of detrimental ‘toxins’ which build up if you are not fit. Take it easy at first and gradually build up what you do and how long you do it.  Set yourself goals – such as once a week for three months, then twice a week, then add in another sport and so on.

 

Build up Self-confidence in Yourself

A biproduct of keeping fit is enhanced self-esteem and confidence.  Being fit and feeling fit also makes you feel much better in yourself.  You are not carrying excess fat, you will not be sluggish, you will have greater energy and, as result, you will be able to pack more into your day and, moreover, pack better things into it.

 

Read More

And read a more diverse range of material. For example, a monthly satirical magazine, a quality paper with thoughtful leaders and commentary, reading non-fiction on subjects that interest you – even if only at a high-level – as it will increase your own knowledge and support your being able to engage in discussions with other people from a learned perspective.

Do not try to become an expert overnight – and recognize the limitations of what you have read.  Avoid becoming a bore on a subject by reading a breadth of topics, rather than just one in depth (unless it actually is your area of expertise – but in that case augment that knowledge with other topics.  Masculine men are often polymaths too.

 

Be More Concerned With Your Clothes

Think about what you wear, how you wear it and when you will wear your different types of clothes.  The right clothes can accentuate the difference between femininity and masculinity very easily and also make you stand out from a crowd – in a positive way.  It is best to avoid gender neutral clothes such as sweatpants and hoodies when you can but there is, of course, nothing wrong with wearing comfortable clothes.

Avoid garish and flashy clothes as this will have a negative effect on people’s views of you.  By changing your clothes, however, especially by smartening up your appearance, people can instantly see that there is something different about you and that you are making a subtle statement to that effect.

 

Take up a Hobby

which enables you to create something. This will enable you not only to feel productive but will also result in you generating a physical representation of your efforts which others can see.  Although some men do engage in such hobbies as tapestry and crocheting, they tend to be those who are already confident in their own masculinity – or are not interested in it, and so are not afraid to have hobbies like that.

Good examples of creative activities or hobbies which you might wish to take up include painting, model making and/or model painting, woodwork, drawing and writing.  These also allow you to have a change of pace in your day which is also good for you.  You can share the outputs of your work with others as an example of what you have achieved;

 

Take Opportunities to Develop your Leadership Skills And Leadership Roles

Build up this characteristic by practising both your assertiveness in dealing with and your guidance to others you are working with or leading.  Working with people and listening to them and helping them get to where they want to be is a good way of demonstrating how to be more masculine and your intellectual masculinity.  By developing your leadership skills, you will also develop your ability to take action.

 

Strengthen Your Personality

By using one of the many personality analysis tools, such as 16PF or Myers-Briggs, to assess the type of personality that you have, you can get useful and clear ideas or clues to your areas of strength on which you can build, and areas of weaknesses in your personality on which you can work to improve manhood.

 

Review Yourself

What is it that you are good at?  At what did you succeed?  Where did you fail?  And why?  Then you can make a plan to enhance the things which you did well; and work on those areas which need improvement.  Understanding the things which you did well will feed your self-confidence and enable you to build it up further and increase your masculine energy.

 

How to be More Masculine by Giving Back to Society

For example, engaging in some charity work demonstrates very good attitudes. Pick a charity that resonates with you.

For example, if you have had cancer in your family (almost certainly a 100% probability that someone somewhere in the family did – sadly) you could raise funds for it (possibly linking this into your keep fit programme) or volunteer in one of the charity’s shops for one day a week or so.  Or go for another, such as a charity that trains and supplies Guide Dogs for the Blind.  This is a great charity as everybody loves the dogs and, paradoxically, you are being masculine in a tender environment.

Who doesn’t go soppy when they see those lovely dogs as little puppies with big eyes?  When people know you are working for this charity – or indeed any worthy charity – their view of you will be improved immeasurably.

 

Consider Other People

Respect other people and they will respect you.  People who are overbearing do not get respect and are generally disliked.  This usually reflects a deep insecurity for which they try to compensate by being aggressive.

Being assertive, by contrast, means getting your point across whilst being cognizant of other people’s views, using logical, and well-structured arguments, not emotive statements.  It means listening to their point of view and meeting it with facts in a healthy discussion – not in a heated argument.

Overbearing people tend not to be good team players and can be destructive.  Taking part in team sports, for example, helps you realise that you need to rely on other people and that you have to build their trust in you in order for a team to perform to the best of its abilities – the parallels in business are exact.

 

Develop a Vision For Yourself

This is about trying to articulate a view of where you want to be at a certain point in time.  It could be short term, medium or longterm – or all three as you progress in life. Set goals, that you can meet, to help you get where you want to, by taking incremental steps and developing self discipline.  Choose goals that, as you meet them along that way, support your progress to your vision and that the goals are mutually supportive as well?

 

Eye Contact is a Key Aspect of Confidence.

If you avoid making eye contact and stare at the floor, or over their shoulder, or perhaps look at your shoes – a common fault – people will mistrust you and think you are shifty or have something to hide. Do not stare however, but relax your face and adopt listening mode.

 

Your Stance is Important

How you stand and your posture are important parts of masculinity.  A good solid, well-balanced stance and a firm handshake are key attributes.  As stated above good eye contact will make a very good impression.

Posture is also key. Do not slump or try to ‘make yourself smaller’ as non-alpha males do in packs.  Keeping fit will improve your posture as your muscles firm up and that means that you will exude confidence and self-esteem to others;

 

Personal Hygiene is an Important Aspect of Masculinity

it is not masculine to smell of body dour or bad breath. No one likes to have a smelly, scruffy person near them – no matter how fit they might be.

Regular showers, having trim nails, well cut and groomed hair, clean teeth and good, well-fitting and appropriate clothes are also physical manifestations of masculinity and self- esteem.  These show that you care about yourself and this are likely to care about others.  They will make you stand out from those that do not have these traits;

 

Think Before You Speak

Take time to digest what is being discussed, or to understand the question fully and develop a sensible answer. It is a natural trait to leap into speaking without adequate thought and consideration and this can have a negative effect if the answer is not well constructed, or is in fact meaningless in the context. A few seconds delay will make a serious difference. This is especially true in work situations.

 

Some Don’ts When You Want to Be More Masculine

What to avoid when trying to be more masculine

Contrary to what many think, believe, or try to demonstrate, it is not masculine to:

  • Smoke (not tobacco nor vapes etc);
  • Take drugs – of any kind;
  • Get drunk a lot or regularly;
  • Fight – unless in self-defence or defence of others;
  • Argue with emotion instead of logic;
  • Shout people down instead of listening and putting good counter arguments together;
  • Drive badly or too fast – especially if showing off;
  • Disparage women;
  • Disparage those you might consider less masculine than you;
  • Carry weapons – illegal in many countries in any case;
  • Have tattoos – whilst this has become almost a ‘must have’ in many sectors of today’s society – it does not show masculinity;
  • Offer a wet fish when shaking hands;
  • Swear or blaspheme;
  • Let people bully you;
  • Be condescending.

 

Conclusion

This all sounds like a lot of things to do and not to do: but masculinity and developing masculinity is about changing your persona. You should not try to change everything all at once – that is a recipe for disaster.  Do it on a step-by-step basis relating the things you do to the goals you’ve drawn up in support of your vision.  Perhaps start with fitness even if it is just by walking more frequently and further (ditch the car).

This will start improving your well-being and self-esteem immediately and lay the foundation to support the other things you wish to do. If you already consider yourself to be fit enough and taking part in sports and sporting activities, then pick another area on which to focus and gradually build up.

Do not, though, tell anyone you are trying to change.  That is just a hostage to fortune. Your self-esteem will benefit far more when they comment favourably and unprompted.