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Stoicism: How It Can Help You Live a Better Life and Attract Women

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When philosophy is brought to the table, you will find no shortage of men willing to debate and spout their own theories. To debate them is one thing, but to live them is another. The philosophers of old didn’t come up with their theories of purpose and how man should live just for fun; these are ways of life that are meant to be followed and lived by in hopes of achieving more peace of mind and learning discipline.

Stoicism for men
CORDOBA, SPAIN- Statue of Seneca by Amadeo Ruiz Olmos

One that you may have heard of is Stoicism. Stoicism is a part of the Hellenistic philosophy founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens back in 3 BC. Unlike many philosophies, Stoicism is not rooted in complex theories about the nature of living and why we’re here; it’s purely focused on discipline. Stoicism’s primary feature is to help one overcome destructive emotions and know when to act.

There are many famous Stoics throughout early history, including Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, a slave turned profound teacher named Epictetus, and Seneca, who was a philosopher and advisor to Emperor Nero.

To truly know Stoicism is to understand that life is unpredictable, and thus know that one must be steadfast, strong, and in control of oneself.

Epictetus summed up Stoicism best in his work, Discourses:

“The proper work of the mind is the exercise of choice, refusal, yearning, repulsion, preparation, purpose, and assent. What then can pollute and clog the mind’s proper functioning? Nothing but its own corrupt decisions.”

In his quote, he brings up the seven functions that are imperative to Stoicism. In this article, we will go over them, how knowing them can help you, and in the end, discuss how it may impact your love life for the better.

 

The Seven Functions

Zeno of Citium - Stoicism
Zeno of Citium Statue on Europe’s square Larnaca, Cyprus, Europe

According to the philosophy of Stoicism, and as emphasized by Epictetus, the pure mind performs seven functions: choice, refusal of temptation, desire, aversion, preparation, acceptance.

 

Choice

Choice in Stoicism

As they say, it is our choices that truly define us.

A Stoic man will take each choice and choose them wisely. We’re not talking about just the major choices, such as choosing what job to apply for or who to marry. We make tiny choices every single day. What should you have for breakfast? How much are you willing to spend on takeout? When should you go to bed? All of these little “insignificant” decisions all add up into making you the person you are today. Some of them are unconscious, but being aware of them will make you more aware of yourself.

To contemplate every decision and weigh them seriously is a trademark of a Stoic man. You make hundreds of choices every single day that define who you are as a person, so choose them wisely.

 

Refusal of Temptation

Temptation in Stoicism
The temptation of Jesus in the desert, an ancient fresco in Fanefjord church, Denmark

Temptation is something that can make or break a man. Many men fall to temptation, some of them relatively inconsequential like getting drunk with friends, and other times they’re detrimental to a man’s life, such as the temptation of an affair.

To become a Stoic is to overcome temptation, no matter how small. Men who cheat on a strict diet, for example, have fallen to temptation and are not disciplined. To refuse temptation is to improve your life significantly.

 

Desire

Desire to improve in stoicism

A Stoic man yearns, but not for material goods or women. No, he yearns to become better.

The want to become a better person in mind, body, and soul is key to being a Stoic. Life is unpredictable, and it should be a Stoic’s goal to leave the world a better place than they entered it, or at the very least, impart some good unto those that follow you.

That motivation — that drive — is something many men lack, and it’s a shame, because the last thing one wants to do is to leave this world full of regrets for never living up to their full potential.

 

Aversion

Aversion in stoicism

To feel aversion as a Stoic man is to be repulsed by the negativity around you. You should feel disgust whenever you see lies spread or abhorrent behavior displayed in the public that’s treated as normal.

To be repulsed means that not only do you look down upon these things, but you also give them no attention. This means limiting your time on social media instead of commenting your opinion on clearly abhorrent behavior and lies. Push away men who lie to you or try to taint you with their lack of virtue, and don’t hide your feelings about it, either. Feel aversion to these things, be repulsed, and then walk away from it with a clear mind.

 

Preparation

Preparation in Stoicism

To be prepared is one of the most important things a man can be, especially in this day and age. One of the core principles of Stoicism is knowing how cruel and unpredictable life is. A Stoic man needs to be prepared emotionally, physically, mentally, and materially.

Make a nice little nest egg for yourself, make sure you are well prepared in case of any situation. Even if it’s something small, any choice can be the difference between life and death, such as choosing not to wear your headphones while crossing the street or carrying a knife when walking alone at night.

To prepare yourself for any of life’s hurdles is to understand Stoicism.

 

Purpose

Purpose in Stoicism

Like I said before, this isn’t one of those philosophies that explore the nature of being. You find your own purpose, and you stick to it. Whether your purpose is to be a loving husband or father, to support those around you, or to make a greater impact on the world.

Stoicism does not choose your purpose. A Stoic man finds it, internalizes it, and sees it through.

 

Acceptance

Acceptance in Stoicism

Acceptance can be a Stoic man’s greatest hurdle. It’s knowing that some things are just out of control, and knowing that you can’t do anything about it. Rejection, failure, tragedy; these are all things that life will throw your way, and try as you might, some things can’t be changed.

A Stoic man accepts when he has lost, when to throw in the towel, and when he needs to move on. It can be easy to lose yourself to destructive emotions and habits, which is why acceptance is a key part of becoming disciplined under Stoicism. Conquer this, and you have greatly improved your future.

 

Why Some Women are Attracted to Stoicism

Women Attracted to Stoicism

While Stoicism is all about knowing what to desire and what temptations to refuse, there’s nothing wrong with using the traits of your philosophy to your advantage. After all, it does help to weed out those who may feed into bad habits and emotions. Stoicism offers stability, but also discipline, which radiates masculine energy, something that many women are seeking but many men just can’t offer.

Here are some reasons why women can find being a Stoic attractive.

  • Stoic men know themselves. They know what they want, their goals, their strengths, and their limits. This can be attractive to someone looking for a man who is sturdy and sure of himself.
  • Stoic men can control their emotions during times of stress. There are moments in life where you’re allowed to get overexcited or grieve and be vulnerable, but in times of pure stress, someone needs to be able to maintain their emotions to think with a clear head. Life is unpredictable, and tragedies or disasters can strike at any time. Many women like someone who can get through the problem in the moment and be vulnerable when it’s finally safe.
  • Stoic men are disciplined. If you’ve truly stuck by the code of Stoicism to the point where it’s changed your habits and thought process, that’s true discipline. Women tend to like men who know when to reject temptation and how to act when life throws a curveball. A disciplined man is reliable and knows himself.
  • Stoic men learn from failure. Men who let their destructive thoughts overtake them may reject opportunities that come their way once the first one fails. Stoic men learn from this and thus become better, more skilled, and well-learned. It’s an attractive trait through and through.
  • Stoic men are resilient. Those who call themselves Stoic have a persistence that trumps any other. Failure may affect them, but it will never stop them, and they will get back up again. Many women desire someone like this in their life: a rock they can count on.
  • Stoic men have empathy. Society tends to display Stoic men as unfeeling and sociopathic, but that isn’t the case. Stoic men are compassionate and can put themselves in others’ shoes. It’s a show of emotion that is desirable and healthy.
  • Stoic men are kind. Stoics know that life can be rough and unpredictable and cruel. A stoic man can take as many verbal punches and undisciplined men can dish out, and will still offer kind words towards those simply trying to get through one day at a time as you are. Kindness is key to a woman’s heart.